Working for God on earth does not pay much, but His
Retirement plan is out of this world!!
God's Work our hands
GOT A LITTLE HUMOR YOU WOULD
LIKE TO SHARE WITH THE WORLD
CLICK ON THE PICTURE OF THE LITTLE BOY AND HIS DOG
From one pumpkin to another!!!!!!!
A woman was asked by a coworker, 'What is it like to be a Christian?'
The coworker replied, 'It is like being a pumpkin.' God picks you from the patch, brings you in, and washes all the dirt off of you. Then He cuts off the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff.
He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, and greed. Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside of you to shine for all the world to see.'
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?" The son replied, "I do know!" "Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?" "That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly,? It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'
Three Eggs
and $100
An elderly pastor was searching his closet for his collar before church one
Sunday morning. In the back of the closet, he found a small box containing
three eggs and 100 $1 bills.
He called his wife into the closet to ask her about the box and its
contents. Embarrassed, she admitted having hidden the box there for their
entire 30 years of marriage. Disappointed and hurt, the pastor asked her,
"Why?"The wife replied that she hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings. He asked
her how the box could have hurt his feelings. She said that every time
during their marriage that he had delivered a poor sermon, she had placed an
egg in the box.
The pastor felt that three poor sermons in 30 years was certainly nothing to
feel bad about, so he asked her what the $100 was for.
She replied, "Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to the neighbors for
$1."
Do Cats Go to Heaven?
A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, "You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask."
The cats says, "Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors."
God says, "Say no more." And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat. The mice said, "All our lives we've had to run. Cats, dogs and even women with brooms have chased us. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore."
God says, "Say no more." And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.
About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks, "How are you doing? Are you happy here?"
The cat yawns and stretches and says, "Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!"
Is he wearing a little kitty nose plug? Poor unhappy kitty!
Matthew
18:20
For
where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst
of them. Matthew 18:20
Does this
count?
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich
behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.
The
man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and
turns
to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll
have the same," says the ostrich.
A
short time later the waitress returns with the order
"That will be $9.40 please," and the man reaches
into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for
payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and
the
man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke."
The
ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Again
the man reaches into his pocket and pays with
exact
change.
This
becomes routine until the two enter again. "The
usual?" asks the waitress.
"No,
this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked
potato and a salad," says the man.
"Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That
will
be $32.62."
Once
again the man pulls the exact change out of
his
pocket and places it on the table.
The
waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer.
"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come
up
with the exact change in your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning
the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it,
a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My
first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything,
I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right
amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people
would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll
always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's
right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls
Royce, the exact money is always there," says the
man.
The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"
The
man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second
wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long
legs who agrees with everything I say."
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Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
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PLEASE E-MAIL ME webmaster@goodhopelutheran.com If we should meet and you forget me
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